Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
Before Qin Jiayan left, he took all the possessions that Su Qing had left behind at the Lin family home.
After returning to Gu Yusheng’s villa, he ignored his mother, as well as Little Peanut who had run toward him to ask for a hug, and went upstairs and locked himself in his bedroom, where he began sorting through Su Qing’s belongings.
Her possessions consisted of a few generic clothes and some inexpensive cosmetics and accessories but standing out from these items was an old diary.
Qin Jiayan recognized it: They had chosen it together in a stationery shop across the street from their school many years ago when they had been dating.
Qin Jiayan turned on the lights and leaned against the headboard of his bed. He flipped open the diary to a page with an old photograph.
It was their high school graduation picture, and Su Qing was standing in front of him. She had trimmed away the other classmates in the photograph so that only the two of them appeared.
This is probably her favorite photo of us…
As Su Qing had never developed the habit of keeping a daily diary, she had only written on a third of the pages in more than 10 years.
Every entry was about Qin Jiayan, starting from the beginning, when her “heart fluttered” for him, to the details of how happy she was with him, to how upset she felt when they had broken up. And then there were the pages about how much she missed him after she left him.
The last entry was written 10 years ago.
After that, all the pages were blank. Qin Jiayan flipped through every page and, just when he reached the last few pages and was sure there was no more writing, he landed on a page with two pieces of paper that were covered in scribbled words.
When he focused his eyes on it, he realized that it was a letter—a letter that she had never intended to mail.
“Jiayan, we’re finally reunited after I waited for you for so many years. There’s a saying that every single reunion happens because of an unfinished relationship. But I knew that our fate to meet again had ended. I was genuinely happy when I saw how your life is better than I had ever imagined it could be. I was consoled. But then I realized how we are worlds apart even when I’m standing face to face with you, and my heart felt so low.
“Jiayan, did you know? After I left you, every single day I was a dead person walking. Ultimately, the Lin family was too powerful for me to resist them. I had no choice but to obey them. There was no day nor night during my misery, but you were the only one who could push me through my suffering, because I dreamed of the day when I would meet you again. God was not too bad to me—He fulfilled my only wish, and I am now satisfied. Did you know, Jiayan, I’m actually smiling as I’m writing this down now?
“Jiayan, that night was the happiest in my life. I have no regrets. Even though we forever went our separate ways the next day, I do not have the least bit of regret. Afterward, you called me in the middle of the night and came to look for me in your pajamas, and you asked me to leave with you. Those were the most beautiful and moving words that I had ever heard. Jiayan, I actually really wanted to leave with you, but I couldn’t, because the Lin family have a hold on us. Right now, you are so wonderful and pure, I love you so much that I could not bear to taint you?
“Jiayan, I heard that you’re getting married soon. Of course that makes me sad, but I give to give you all my blessings. You deserve a better girl to accompany you for the rest of your life. I am too flawed to be worthy enough to remain in your world. I would destroy your perfection.
“Jiayan, I would love to witness your bliss if I could, but I cannot bear with it anymore. Jiayan, I’ve hung on for more than 10 years, and I’m really tired.
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