232 Too Much – Part ~ SASHA ~

He raked a hand through his hair and turned away from her for a second. “No, that’s not what I was saying. Of course not.”

“Yes it is! You’re so convinced that no one sees the darkness except you—wake up! Can you imagine if we’d gotten here and made a life, and then suddenly one day a human walked in? What would you have thought, because I know what I would have thought, Zev. I would have thought they’d found us again—and who knows, I might have jumped a woman with a baby too. I can’t think of a single more terrifying moment. The whole reason we came here was to flee them—and the whole reason they fought a war was to eradicate them. We’re all fighting the same enemy!”

She gripped his shirt then, pulling him down, making him meet her eyes. “I get it, Zev. I really, really do. I know what they did to you—the humans. I know how it affected you. It affected both of us. I know you can’t change that. I wish I could. But you told me you know the Creator brought us here. You said you saw the plan—”

“I did,” he muttered.

“Then what changed?”

“What changed? Are you fucking serious?” Zev gaped at her, then yanked out of her grip and started pacing again, gesturing wildly as he spoke. “I stepped foot in this fucking hellhole, that’s what changed. I almost lost both of you!”

“But you didn’t!”

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“I still might!” he whirled on her.

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“No, Zev, please… don’t you see? If we hadn’t come here, if we hadn’t arrived right in the Anima’s lap just like we did, Zan would have died.”_{𝑓𝔯𝑒e𝘸e𝘣𝓷𝘰ѵe𝚕.c૦𝙢}

“No. No. It might have happened differently, but—”

“No, Zev. Stop refusing to hear the truth!” she screamed at him. When his eyes went wide she blinked back tears and stood her ground. “We would have fed him the goat milk and not been able to do anything. He would have gotten sick and died and we wouldn’t even have known why—we wouldn’t have known there were people here we could ask. He’s allergic to it, Zev. He would have died. Instead, they cared—even when they didn’t trust us, they cared for him. Even when we escaped, they cared—hell, they helped us escape! And then she came to you, repentant—”

“Because she lost—”

“That’s bullshit, just STOP! If it was just about winning, letting our son die would have been the fastest way for her to win. She could have left us with our own people and no help and he wouldn’t be here, Zev!”

“She was trying—”

“HER MATE CAME TO YOU TO SAVE HER BECAUSE SHE’S PREGNANT!” Sasha trembled with fear and anger. It was overwhelming. Zev stared at her, but she couldn’t reach him. There was no light of recognition. No softening. He just stared, and it broke her heart. “She was going to martyr herself to you so you’d leave the rest of them safe, do you realize that, Zev? Just like you’d put yourself in the way of the humans to take their attention from the clans… she was doing the same thing. To you. And you can’t see it. You can’t see that she’s just like you. You’ve convinced yourself she’s ruthless, and that somehow that makes it okay for you to be ruthless too… which is exactly what you’re saying she did. Can you see that, Zev? Is that the guy you want to be? Is that the leadership you’re taking?”

Zev swallowed, his throat bobbing. From anger or emotion, she couldn’t tell.

He shook his head. “No, I’m not. I wouldn’t—”

“Zev, you were going to lead us to an unnecessary war. You were going to fight a pregnant woman. It isn’t you—it’s not the guy I know. But it’s who you’re being now, can’t you see?” She was crying, but she hadn’t even realized it. “”You’re ruthless, Zev. And taking pleasure in the pain of others—I’ve never seen you that way before. Like you’re… you’re smug when you land a blow. You used to hate that you knew how to hurt people—you were so ashamed you didn’t even want to tell me. Now… now you’re walking around like a drawn sword and smiling about it! What happened to you? Where is the man I love? Are you going to turn on me now, because I defied you?”

He blinked and sucked in, stepping forward to pull her into his chest. “I’m here… Sash, I’m here. I love you. I’d never do that to you. Never.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly against his chest.

“Until when, Zev? Where’s the line? Until I make the wrong choice as Alpha and you can’t forgive me? I was terrified today! I did what I know is right and I was terrified it would cost me you.”

He grimaced, holding her face and shaking his head. “No. Sasha, I’d never… Sasha, you’re my heart.”

“Then listen to me. Please!” her voice shook with emotion. “Listen to me instead of your body: These people are not our enemies, Zev. Forgive them. Forgive her. Please… because if you don’t—”

He went still. “What?” he asked, his voice low and tight.

Her tears spilled over, rolling down her cheeks and over his hands. “I’m afraid if you don’t, you’ll get us killed. Or you’ll kill the good in you by killing all of them. Don’t take my love away, don’t kill my Zev. Please. I want my gorgeous, warm, thoughtful, noble Zev back… please don’t kill him. Please!”

He stared at her, his eyes wide, stunned. And scared. But he didn’t answer.

Sasha put her hands over his on her face. “Zev?”

He let go of her like her skin had burned him and he stepped back. “I have to go for a walk.”

“What?”

“I need… I need to think.”

“I could go with you—”

“No. No. You go sleep. I’ll get Zan and take him for a walk so he can sleep. You know he sleeps better when we’re moving.”

Sasha looked up at him, scared and sad. But he wasn’t looking mad, or spitting curses. He looked scared and thoughtful and…

“Okay,” she said sadly. “But you have to promise me you’ll come back to me, Zev. You have to give me your word.”

He blew out a breath, then he nodded. “I’m never leaving you, Sasha. Even if you wanted me to. Never.”

She wished his reassurance made her feel better.

“Okay, Zev. Okay.”

*****

~ ZEV ~

Zev stalked through the night holding his sleeping son in the crook of his arm, eyes and ears peeled for intruders. But it was late. And it had been a huge day. There was no one else moving through the night—at least, not near him.

Every few seconds he’d look down at Zan’s face, his cheeks cubby and warm, smushed up by the swaddling and Zev’s arm and chest. A tiny burst of his black hair sticking out from under the blanket that wrapped him like a burrito.

He was the most precious thing Zev had ever seen except for Sasha. And every time he looked at him, Zev was overwhelmed with a fierce sense of protectiveness.

It stole his breath and made his head spin.

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Sasha’s words kept echoing through his head, and he swung desperately between pushing them away, and hearing the ring of truth.

He thought he’d been protecting Zan. Was it possible he’d been hurting him? Or them? Any of them?

No… but…

He had been petty. He could admit that. He’d panicked and not been willing to trust and somehow when he got free that turned into… revenge.

Zev swallowed, the anger still simmering in his chest.

Why couldn’t any of them see the risk?

When the Anima King had broken through ranks, demanding to be taken to him, Zev had found himself begrudgingly admiring the male. If he’d thought Sasha was pregnant and possibly about to be killed, he would have done the same thing.

But he’d told himself that Elreth didn’t deserve that kind of loyalty or care.

Was he wrong?

He thought about Skhal’s point. Something had softened in the male since he’d become a mate. For Zev’s entire life, Skhal had been the one who would shout him down, slap his head, force him to see his flaws.

He’d trusted the male for that reason.

But this last time… when they talked about Zev’s anger and fear and the Anima…

Since when did Skhal leave something unsaid?

He played it all back over in his mind…

“You’re forgetting that you left,” the older wolf had said quietly.

“What—”

“You were Alpha, and you left. And because of you, humans took over in a way they’d never been able to before. We lost our females. We lost… our lives.”

Zev was stunned, his chest screaming for air. “I was deceived!” he hissed.

Skhal had seemed untouched by his agitation. He just nodded. “By who? Who put your mind in such a fucking twist that you couldn’t see straight?”

“The humans. Their schemes and manipulations. They tricked me, Skhal!”

And Skhal just met his eyes sadly and nodded. “Know your enemy, Zev,” he’d said quietly.

Zev had thought he meant to turn his focus on the humans—that they were the true enemy. But Zev had never argued that point. Now he looked at the conversation again…

Know your enemy.

He did. He knew what fuckers the human scientists were, and how many they’d hurt.

And he knew how hard they were to beat.

You left. You were Alpha and you left.

I was deceived!

By who? Who put your mind in such a fucking twist that you couldn’t see straight?

The humans. Their schemes and manipulations. They tricked me, Skhal!

Know your enemy, Zev.

And then… it clicked. But the understanding only made him bare his teeth.

The humans had frightened and deceived Zev until he believed things that weren’t true, and done things he never would have done otherwise.

He’d been manipulated, lied to, and brainwashed.

And traumatized. Deeply, deeply wounded and frightened. So deeply that even when things were safe, he never really felt that way.

Skhal was saying that these people had been hurt in that way too—were reacting in ways they wouldn’t because of it, which was bullshit!

Zev paced back and forth on the trail, a growl rolling in his chest.

They’d passed the Queen’s scent earlier, walking through the Tree City. He knew the direction she’d taken. He could follow her. Find her.

Prove it to himself.

.....

Get to the bottom of this female’s real nature once and for all.

Either she was the ruthless bitch who needed to have her throat taken out, or he was wrong.

Either way… either way he was going to find out.

Without another thought, Zev turned on the trail, darted through the night in hunt of her scent.

This ended tonight.

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